Darwin Awards

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the
Darwin Awards Are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here then, are the Glorious winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his
intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach,
California, would-be robber James Elliot did something
that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it
worked...

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger
in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping
around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine
and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a
space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a
Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental
patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harareto Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then
delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital
recovering from serious head wounds received from an
oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
trying to see how close he could get his head to a
moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20
bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the
clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and
asked for all the cash in the register, which the
clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from
the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the
counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and
gives you money, is a crime committed)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back
and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience
store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk
called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give
them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put
him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief
was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he
Replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I
stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a
man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan,
at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a
motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much
more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the
scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline
and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best
laugh he'd ever had.