Men see better then they think

Just a couple of words about pornography-----------not good.

The photos, be they on the internet, in a magazine or a billboard are very one sided and I don't think men realize that when being exposed to it or when they go looking for it.

It is all about relationship. When you are looking at pornography, the act makes you feel good but all that is happening is stimulation. Basically a chemical reaction. You have bypassed other emotional checks and balances that would prevent you from interacting with this woman.

You are reacting to the following:

The appearance that the woman is offering herself to you. (When in reality, she would not offer herself to just anyone on a good day!)

You think about touching the untouchable.

The false belief that bigger is better. (We might as well find big feet or a big nose sexually stimulating.)

The picture takes the reality out of context. (Where will this interaction take place?,
Will the room be warm or cold, will you be caught?)

Men have been trained to see better then they think by our culture. Honey West was my introduction as to "how a woman should look". Think of the countless women who are portrayed in the movies and what our expectations are about these women.

A relationship with another person does not just involve the body, but the mind and the heart as well.

We need to break the cycle of pornography and put it back in context of relationship. Once we do that, then the cycle can be broken. No woman wants sex all the time like the photos suggest. They want affection, relationship and security - the same thing men want.

Men, next time you see pornography, put it in context and break the cycle. Because if you don't, in the end pornography; if it doesn't destroy you, it will pick away at your mind and steal your ability to have a full blown relationship with the woman your truly love.

......A happier immature, relationally unskilled man.

I want to share part of my journey to becoming whole again.

Here is the scripture that motivates me:

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Here is the book that motivates me: "I Don't Want To Talk About It" by Terrence Real

Page 225: "But I consider medication....... as platform(s) that allow the man to do the therapeutic work, not as panaceas obviating the need for it. An unhappy, immature, relationally unskilled man on medication becomes, at best, a happier immature, relationally unskilled man"

Here is the letter that motivates me.... (We celebrate our 20th anniversary this December and she wrote this letter 2 years ago.)

November 18, 2003
Dear Doctor,
I am writing this letter concerning my husband, Glen Aus, because I love him dearly and so much want for him to be accurately diagnosed and treated.
After listening on many occasions to Glen share with me about the events of his childhood and after several discussions with his mother concerning the same, I believe it is accurate to say that Glen experienced a very difficult childhood. He was the one "targeted" out of four children by his father, receiving almost constant emotional and psychological abuse. His father used anger, intimidation and demeaning words and actions towards Glen. He was often unpredictable and he withheld approval and acceptance of Glen as his son. He also blamed Glen and others for things.
Glen's father in his later years, was diagnosed with a "severe personality disorder" and due to severe depression, anger, and psychotic thinking, was on anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, and anti-psychotic medications. It wasn't until about three years before his death in 1997 that he became almost pleasant to live with. His brother apparently had similar struggles. They were sons of an alcoholic father.
Throughout our almost eighteen years of marriage I have seen Glen go through "cycles" of depression, times when he felt low and discouraged and felt angry and negative toward himself and other people. He has put out so much energy trying to be a good husband and father, working toward an ideal that was not modeled for him by his father. I believe that Glen's relationship with God, our strong encouraging relationship with each other, and his own goals for himself have helped him become the wonderful man that he is. But he is too tired now. He and I both believe he needs help. He has been depressed, angry and negative, and his moods have been quite unpredictable for quite some time now. Expending so much energy battling his background, his negative thought processes, his anger, his depression, and trying to be what he desires to be has "aged" him. He often doesn't have enough energy left to enjoy life or invest much in his children.
In comparison to his father's diagnosis, I believe Glen does have depression and anger and he often mentally and verbally "replays" the harmful treatment in his childhood, his envy of his siblings and his current struggles, especially those involving individuals who portray characteristics that remind him of his struggle with his father or people who "feel sorry" for themselves.
As far as I know, Glen has only had one panic attack and that occurred several years ago.
When Glen is depressed, he sometimes has mis-perceptions about himself and others but does not seem to have the psychotic thought processes that his father had (i.e. "someone was 'bugging' his bedroom" and that "everyone was out to get him").
I have wondered how much Glen's anger and thought processes (especially those against others) were learned from his father's example and how much is his own internal struggle.
I hope that this information will aid you in your efforts to help Glen come out from under the "cloud" that weighs heavily on him.

Thank you,
Respectfully,
Lee Anne

For me it is time to break the cycle and I would encourage other men to do the same.
Personally, I do not want my wife to walk up to my casket and say "Thank God, He is gone."

The Road Not Taken

The Road Not Taken

Robert Frost (1874–1963)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


Christianity is "the road not taken" for many. Following Jesus will the be the path that "has made all the difference".

Please read the following scriptures, not ones of command but scriptures that tell us what God has given us. These scriptures alone give me much hope because they show us a God that is not angry but very giving.

Romans 5 : 1-5
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

1 Corinthians 2:11-13
For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words.

1 Peter 1: 3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.

2 Peter 1:3
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

Designed to die and live

A friend came into my house; looked at our wedding picture and said: "Who are those young people?" (We have been married 20 years.) I was not impressed.

Another time, I went up to a woman's desk at work and her radio was playing Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock and Roll". I told her that I just loved that song. Her reply: Oh, I can't stand it but my dad likes it.

Aging - a natural but much hated process. But if you think about aging - it is part of what we are designed for.

God created us and designed our body to fall apart.

Ecclesiastes 12
Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, "I find no pleasure in them"- before the sun and the light and the moon and the stars grow dark, and the clouds return after the rain; when the keepers of the house tremble, and the strong men stoop, when the grinders cease because they are few, and those looking through the windows grow dim; when the doors to the street are closed and the sound of grinding fades; when men rise up at the sound of birds, but all their songs grow faint; when men are afraid of heights and of dangers in the streets; when the almond tree blossoms and the grasshopper drags himself along and desire no longer is stirred. Then man goes to his eternal home and mourners go about the streets.

Not a pretty picture. Some people want to live forever by stopping the process; but they can't.

Paul talks about the aging process but in just opposite way in 2 Corinthians 4:13-17

It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken." With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence.

All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Paul also speaks in Ephesians 6 about the difference between our aging body and our spirit:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

God has also designed us to live forever. And our eternal spirit is what we want to be focusing on. 2nd Peter, Chapter 1:

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins. Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.